Why?

Why are the best decisions are always the hardest decisions? I recently decided to move back to where I was living a year ago. I was miserable where I was living and knew I had to go back. I guess you really aren't appreciative of what you got until you see the other side.

I hope that one of these days I get it right. Officially, 2008 and 2009 have been the worst two years of my life.

Decisions, Decisions...

I have came to a major crossroads in my life. I thought once my ex-husband was out of my life that things would get easier. No, I find myself absolutely miserable.

Where do I go from here?

Back from the Abyss...

I am not going to update my life at this moment. What I want to write about is something I just found out. A former friend of mine, who turned her back on me when I hit a rough spot, her son died of cancer recently. He was only 15. I am so angry at her for not letting me know. No matter how angry she is/was at me, she should had let me know.

This is unforgivable.

"But I can't feed on the powerless when my cup is already over-filled..."

News...

Well no news from me but alot of news nationally and well, internationally.

First and foremost, the American captain held captive by Somali pirates was rescued yesterday. He is safe and three of the four animals I mean kidnappers were killed. Good! Less killers out there!

Second, as Arrrrrmando pointed out (he beat me to the news for once!), Josh and Anna Duggar are starting their very own cult AKA Anna is pregnant. They claim they found out on February 2nd but looks as big as a house already. She is probably dropping octuplets too. All of the Duggar men need to be sterilized so we can preserve mankind from them. On their website, www.ja20.com, they write:

"If you have been wondering what the latest news is around the Duggar Family household... we're expecting!!! We found out on February 2, and passed the news to Anna's family that day. The next day we joined Josh's family for a family meeting and surprised them with the announcement! Everyone is very excited and now we are looking forward to finding out the gender of our little one!"

Ugh I feel sick reading that...
If you care enough, you can go to TLC and watch a "webisode" of them telling their family. Blah, blah, blah...

My Easter weekend was, well, eventfull but I won't go into that right now. I hope everyone had a great weekend. I have to catch up on some things and then I'll be back to b!tch some more!haha

Argh, me pirate ship!

Ok this whole Somalian pirate ship ordeal is thoroughly pissing me off. Around the world, the United States and its people our not liked. That's fine because I know we stick our noses where they don't belong and we are pushy as hell. With that said, I find the best way to resolve and prevent situations like these is to stop sending help/aide. I feel so bad for that captain who surrendered to save his crew. This crap is screwed up. The United States needs to learn how to properly prioritize and stop sending aide to Africa and keep it right here where there are children with no homes and going to bed hungry. Get a grip America...

Responsibility...

I feel obligated to write about something but it's hard when absolutely NOTHING is going on. I use to be able to sit and write for hours and now words escape me. What is happening to me?? My OCD says "write something" but everything else says "don't bore people to tears." Geez this is pretty pathetic.

Memories are where you laid them...

Once apon a time, the littlest things in life meant so much to me and made me so happy. Now it seems that very little does it for me. I had a few hours by myself this morning and so I decided that a bath and not a shower would kick ass. Well I was wrong. For about the first minute, I felt relaxed. After that, I sat there thinking that it was such a waste of time to just be sitting there. I sat there for a few more minutes before I thought that if I had took a shower I would have been done and out getting dressed. It's like it is impossible for me to relaxed. Like I am super-hyper and nothing can calm me down. Maybe it's my life I don't know. I don't know if it is the kid in me, the ADD in me, the obsessive-compulsive in me, the anal-retentiveness in me, or something else but I find it impossible to relax. I can hardly even sleep anymore unless medicated. Am I afraid I am going to miss something? I don't know. I really don't. One clue is that for awhile I got out of hard rock and now I am back into pretty heavily and I think that makes me a tad bit hyper too!haha Who knows? I was alway so hyper as a kid through my teenage years. It wore off as I got older, but now it has reared its ugly head again. I guess this is just me. Most people adore me or totally hate me!

As you can guess, it didn't work out with Robert. That's ok. It was just a couple week fling I guess. I know Mr. Right is right around the corner. I was gonna blog about it a couple weeks ago but figured who cared, right?!? I still have a few really good people in my life. Like my Arrrrrrrrrrmando (rolling my r's remember?haha). He is like my little loyal dog (NO YOU AREN'T A DOG; I know he reads this will say "I'M NOT A DOG!"). He is very loyal to me and our friendship and has been for many, many, many years and for that I am forever endebted to him and so appreciative of him and to him. He loves me with all my hyperness and craziness and my hint of paranoia as he says! We are so much alike it's scarey! I tell him he is a male version of me and he says I am the female version of him. I have had MANY, MANY friends come and go and yet he is still here. I even had an old beau look me up and he was like my first love and the whole time Armando kept warning me about this guy and I guess I didn't want to hear it and in the end, everything he told me was true.

Sometimes the obvious stares you right in your face but you neglect to see it for a long time...

The Uneventful Birthday...

Thankfully it was just that! I tried to forget it was here and then it passed! Went to some relatives, went out for dinner, and came back home and had cake. With the help of a few GREAT friends, this one was OK. Thanks everyone!

Happy Birthday to me...Yay!

How come birthdays are so cool when you are younger?? Now they just suck... My birthday is tomorrow. Well I was born at 12:30am; so, I guess it isn't that far away. I know it's just a number but it sucks. Turning 30 sucks... Yes "sucks" is one of my favorite words!haha Thank god for a few special friends who are helping me survive my 30th!!! Nothing like good friends!!

"Hear my name take a good look"

Adult life sucks!! My 30th is looming around the corner and it, too, sucks. I wanna be 17 again! My birthday is Saturday and well yuck. I hope it passes without me noticing! I'm working on a puppy for my birthday. We'll see what happens. I got one present already from Armando he is beyond sweet! He got me the rerelease of TEN. No better present in the world! He knows me too well!!

Well the construction is in its final weeks of my sister's house. THANK GOD!

Well hope everyone has a great weekend!

Good, decent men! Yes they do exist!

I know this because I know the two greatest men in the world! Ofcourse the first is my honey, Robert, and the second is my bestest friend of like 15 years, Armando. Armando and I fall out of touch sometimes but he is the type of friend that I can go 3 or 4 years without talking to but can pick right up where we left off. I can say I've never had another friend like him and I doubt I ever will. We managed pull through our teen years together but with the help of Pearl Jam and other 90's bands!hahaaha Our taste in so many things are very similar. To this day, he and I can sit for hours and talk about music and bands and then we somehow get carried off back to 1996! He gets what I'm talking about when sometimes no one else does. I remember summers of talking to him half the day and night. GOD I WANNA BE 16 AGAIN!! When Pearl Jam put out a new CD we were always first in line to get it (if we hadn't pre-ordered it!haha). I would give my right arm to have those days back. Armando has promised to find a way to travel back in time and he is a friggin' genius and so if there is a way he will find it!!

I just have one question. How did I ever get lucky enough to have two men like these guys in my life?!?!?!

As Armando and I always said when we were younger, Peace, Love, and Pearl Jam!

And as Neil Young and Eddie Vedder said, Keep on Rockin' in the Free World!

Dissolutioned...

As Mr. West said, that doesn't kill me can only make me stronger. I hope he is right. I think I am having some of those severe mood swings again. I am notorious for my mood swings and I feel bad for driving those in my life nuts at times. As I have previously mentioned, I have probably the sweetest man on the face of the earth in my life and I thank god everyday that I have him and he does make me sublimely happy. I guess it is outside influences that put me a little on edge at times.

I'll stop b!tching for a few. I wanna mention that the death of Natasha Richardson is pretty sad. I feel bad for her husband, Liam Neeson, and the rest of her family. Really gotta be careful with blows to the head. When my neices hit their heads like all kids do, I am always sure to watch them closely for awhile to make sure everything is good to go.

Moving on...

On the construction front, things are progressing good. The drywall is all up (laugh as you may honey!) and we are nearing the painting stage. After we paint we have to put the carpet in the living room and then put linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom. I'm hoping to wrap this up in the next couple of weeks.

Well I hope everyone has a good weekend...

Inner-rage where does it come from?

I am ordinarily not an angry person; however, there times I become enraged and not sure why. Sometimes the stupidest things will trigger this and I become enraged for reasons that other people would laugh over. I normally have an extremely long fuse but when I explode, look out. However, every once in awhile I find myself exploding without warning. I hate when I feel the rage welling up inside of me. My family sometimes triggers this but sometimes it's something I see on TV and read somewhere. I mean I have control over it and I'm not picking people off that go by my house. I just wish I never felt it. However, a person gets tired of being walked on. I guess I'm tired of being people's doormat.

Appologizing to those of the male persuasion...

I officially understand that women drive men nuts. Between PMS and daily mood swings, I dont know how or why men even still want women. I've probably got the sweetest man on the face of the earth and I know probably drive him insane at times. Sometimes I don't know myself why I do things I do or act the way I do. I mean I don't run out on him or anything but my mood swings are crazy at times. I just wanna appoligize to all the men out there who are bewildered by women. We mean nothing by it and probably just want some extra attention at times. In the end all we want is a good man to love and to take care of us...

I liked having hurt...

Nah but I love that song! This blog (YES I said blog honey!) should be entitled "Adventures in Cell-Phone Land." Wow have I had an adventure this week. Thankfully my little love-butt has been patient!!! I got a new T-Mobile Dash. I was with Verizon until my ex decided that he was an ass. So T-Mobile is new for me. I ordered the phone through TMI Wireless. First and foremost, I do NOT recommend dealing with them. They screw up alot, i.e. I paid for next day shipping and got 2 day but I did get a refund. However, when I got the new phone it is cooler than shit but it didn't work. It wouldn't connect to the system. I called TMI and got the run around and since all of their employees are of the Arab/Indian persuasion, I became even more enraged when Rhajeesh told me it would 24 hours before they could figure out what was wrong with my phone. Well I took the bull by the horns and called T-Mobile. I talked to an exceptionally nice man he figured out that I am in a dead spot and I when I say dead I MEAN DEAD!! He suggested returning the phone and going with a company who had better coverage in my area. Well Debbie doesn't except no for an answser. I have figured that it is the house where I live. I have reception everywher else. I am keeping the phone because I am moving in a couple of weeks and where I am moving I have checked and I have full signal there. So, against my better judgement and thanks to Robert, I am accepting the situation as it is and taking it day by day and keeping the phone. The phone rocks!

Robert has figured how to do something no one else has ever been able to figure out, how to calm me down!! I think he should be awarded a Nobel Peace Prize! He totally rocks and I am forever indebted to him.

Blogging?!?!?!

I will admit to falling into the blog phenomenon. Five years ago, if you said "blog," someone would have looked at you as if you were speaking martian. Now a days atlmost everyone reads or publishes blogs. I will also admit that at first "blogging" seemed retarded. However, most things I do are a tad bit retarded. I do enjoy blogging occasionally. I don't do it everyday as an obligation but I do it when I find something to talk about. I thought it would be interesting to blog about blogging!hahaha

Someone very important to me says he hates the term blog and everything to do with blogging!! He is so silly!!

The real Debbie...

I know alot of people think I'm some sort of mentally-challenged ditz; however, if you know me and I mean REALLY know me, you know I am not. Sometimes I get into stuff that other people don't. I love reading or watching stuff about true crimes. I love A&E. They keep me supplied with these sort of programs. I know most I see are always about modern day crimes. However, every now and then I stumble across an older story I have yet to hear. I heard one this morning. The story was on A&E about the Clutter family killings in Holcomb, Kansas in 1959. They were truely brutal murders of an entire family, the parents and two teenage children, by two ruthless, emotionless murderers. It is a very long story and i am not gonna explain it all but you can read the entire story on one of my favorite websites, The Trutv Crime Library website. The link to the story is http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/notorious_murders/family/clutter/1.html. The two men convicted of these haneous murders were executed by hanging in 1965. Now, I don't agree with the death penalty even when those convicted admit to being guilty. It's not our right to take someone's life no matter what they did and it's not our job to play god. The story online doesn't go into the actual executions but the show I saw said the the first was hung and it took 22 minutes to die (beyond wrong and cruel and unusual punishment) and the second man had to be drug up the steps to the gallow, begging and pleading for his life. The executioners had no mercy. It took him 17 minutes to die. That shit is friggin' wrong. Don't tell me what they did. I KNOW what they did. But I digress...Truman Capote also wrote a book based on the whole story.

Another older true crime story that I recommend is the Torture Death of Sylvia Marie Likens, http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/notorious_murders/young/likens/1.html. That is truely a sad story. I won't go into that story because it is a bit much to talk about but I suggest reading it.

Well I'll step off of my soapbox now and go find someone else to complain to!! Robert, perhaps?? He always listens to me complain!

Too freakin' funny to pass up!!!

This is freakin' funny!!! Some holy-rollers group is throwing sh!t at "Family Guy." Come on now! That is my favorite show!!!

This is what "Parents Television Council" had to say:

"Fox treated viewers to everything from an ‘eleven-way’ gay orgy to baby Stewie eating a bowl of cereal with horse sperm instead of milk … if that isn’t enough, the show’s leading character is also shown fanaticizing about his wife and moaning while a horse licks his bare behind. Clearly, the explicit content was not isolated to one instance in one segment of the show; it permeated the entire program."

Oh come on get a grip!!!

However, this is Seth McFarlane's respond to the PTC:

"Oh, yeah. That’s like getting hate mail from Hitler. They’re literally terrible human beings. I’ve read their newsletter, I’ve visited their website, and they’re just rotten to the core. For an organization that prides itself on Christian values — I mean, I’m an atheist, so what do I know? — they spend their entire day hating people. They can all suck my d**k as far as I’m concerned."

Haha! He rocks!!! If I had one, I would have told them the same thing!!! The type of prudes who take the time to actually complain about this kind of shit, are the parents who end up visiting their kids in jail when they grow up because they were too busy trying to run everyone elses lives to pay attention to what their on friggin' kids were doin.

Groups like that are dumber than a box or rocks or dumber than a bag of hammers (hahaha!!!).

Cal Ripken Sr Foundation...

I know with today's tough economic times that donating to organizations is not always on everyone's to do list. However, if you are one of those donating kind, I have a good one for you. The Cal Ripken Sr. Foundation, http://www.ripkenfoundation.org/, is a good one. Cal Sr. passed away about 10 years ago and the foundation is ran by Cal Jr. and his brother Billy. If you know baseball, then you know that all three are phenomenal men. Cal Jr. gave so much back to our area during his career and now during his retirement. When I was growing up, Cal Jr. was in his hay day. The names Orioles and Ripken are synonymous with each other. Cal Jr. doesn't live too far from me and is definately one of those local hometown hero types. My brother worshiped him while we were growing up. By chance we were lucky enough to get tickets for a Orioles home game during Cal Jr.'s streak week where he broke Lou Gehrig's conesectutive games played record. Anyway, enough about them. The foundation does really cool stuff with kids like fantasy baseball camps. It is just a really good place to send a few dollars if you ever happen to have a few extra.

More than a name or a face in the crowd...

It's be awhile. I've been busy/preoccupied. Call it what you will. Lazy may even work too. Right honey?!hahaha He'll kill me for that. Anyway...

I've been not feeling that great lately but I hope to snap out of that soon. It's weird how you go through so many slumps in your life. Some you feel are hopeless and it doesn't feel worth going on. However, as I have found, if you give life another opportunity, there is always something or someone waiting to help pull you back up. My life has been so crazy for a long time mainly because of my ex but I'm trying to learn to take everything in stride and not forget that there is a purpose to this existance even if I am not sure what it is yet. I read a story this morning that hit me hard. There was this guy who did a bad thing, accidentally. He took another person's life but accidentally. What he did he was unable to cope with and he commited suicide. I guess he felt what he did no longer made him viable to remain on this earth. So sad...

God what happened to me being so b!tchy?!?!?!